AntoineRJWright.com

Many thanks to those that have emailed me about my issue with my non-working Palm. It has been rough. But not unbearable. I will get along without it. But I do have to do a ton more of using my brain ;)

This weekend I have been visited by my fiance Kyera. I have not seen her for a few weeks due to our distance. Shoot, when she came in I was on a conference call and really wanted to throw the phone aside to hug her but my phone had to keep the signal and it really could not be moved. All man! I was on the phone like an hour and a half and she was here just patiently waiting. I tell you. I have possibly the most patient friend in the world. Will this continue after we are married? Or have I used up all my patience chips?

Last thoughts:
- I have begun reading the book of Romans again. Some brothers at a men's group I go to are reading a particular chapter. Because I won't see them for a while, I will read to that point and more between now and the next time we meet.
- I will be at 49th and Parkside in Philly this Sunday for a youth service. I am not rapping or doing poetry. I am just there to introduce those people that will be there ministering. I know that I will have to be on point with keeping things rolling, so keep me in prayer for that part.
- Still looking for work, but I am confident that God will pull something off soon. A brother prayed for me last night and I really just believe that God has my best interests in mind. Though it feels rough now, it only feels rough. Things would be worse if I had not Christ in my life. I am grateful for every blessing that I have been given to this point, and look forward to the next time God will pull something off that I will just be floored by. He's that kind of God.

Thought for the weekend: Get some rest. Take an hour to yourself to just be still and allow your body to catch up to your brain. You will appreciate it by Tuesday. Peace.
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Something that I realized again tonite is that I have a wonderful girlfriend and companion. Really, she is more than those things. I love Kyera with all my heart. Having conversations with her about issues that touch the both of us really makes me to do more to keep our relationship going. And when we do agree on solutions, or even disagree but see eacho other's point, I feel that we take another step in growing together.

Funny thing is that I try not to speak too much about here on my website as Kyera means more than usually words can say. But I did want to at least give a large shouout to my ladi. She is koolbeans all over. Love you sweetie. Hope to see you soon.Read More

I don't know if it is just because I do not like the operating system of the PDA that I am reviewing, or just that I feel bad that it was my error that caused it not to work, but my PDA, a PalmOne Zire71, no longer works. Last weekend when I was on a retreat, I took it with me onto the fishing boat so that if there was a need to take pictures, that I would be able to take a pic or two with it. I also took with me another PDA, a HP iPaq rx3715, because it had a better camera and a sunny day would merit me the opportunity to take the same pic and compare the quality of the cameras. I was too much into fishing though. I only caught one fish, and got so caught up in that, and just chillin with the fellas, that I never took any picture. I had the PDAs in a bag that happened to get wet. I didn't notice until after we returned to the cabin that the Palm had gotten wet. I thought that there was not too much damage to it since it did work some. But I was in for a shock. First it did not register when I pressed the power button, then it did. And then finally, it would not turn on again.

I have to say that hurt not to have the PDA that I have had for the last year beside me. Serving as a journal, bible, dictionary, calendar, address book, email device, and occasional gaming device made it a one stop item for me when I wanted to work or relax. I admit that I had been a lot too involved with it, but it seemed to be one of the few items that stimulated so many of my senses at once. I didn't feel too bad when I saw that it wasn't working. I actually looked at it as a good thing at the time since I was on a retreat and needed just to be on vacation from my PDA for a while.

Well, now it has been a week and I miss the PDA that I had. I still have the new one that I am reviewing, but it is not the same. The buttons are harder, the screen is not as sharp, but the camera is a ton better. It is so powerful, but at the same time so complicated. I want my old Palmie back. I do not have the funds to do so right now. Finances are tight, and I am just having to get thru without it. Not having the old one is affording me the time to learn about a new operating system and new PDA as a whole. But, I miss some of the things that were so simple, like making a note or correcting something in my calendar.

The sad part about this is that I know that God really wants me to learn from this about putting things ahead of him. It is tough because for a long time I used my Palmie as a means to keep me organized so that I would not get ahead of Him (seems in some ways that the cart is now before the horse). I know that I am supposed to say that I have learned my lesson and this will not happen again. But I cannot say that, I have to ask myself where my head is because I still want the old Palmie and the way it does little things to help me along my day. Maybe one day, I will get a new one that will be better yet not as vital to my daily workings. In the meantime, I have to just admit that I miss not having my Palmie and that life without it is making my head seem directionless.Read More

Hello all, I have just had a really good weekend retreat. I learned a lot about myself, about my weaknesses and how to look at myself with more truthful eyes. I have also gained and lost a job in one day. It wasn't my fault there, I was just hired before them knowing that they would need me. That hurt, but I am doing better.

In other news, finances are hard to come by at this point. I just do not have the funds to do much of anything. Even this weekend, I was only able to get to the retreat as the result of a few important people blessings me (thanks Mom and Charles). Please keep me in prayer as this website is only still up by the grace of God. If you are not able to see the site, please keep http://arjwdotcom.blogspot.com in your fav's list as the other address for my site. If it does chance, that is where you will find me.

That is about it. As I get them, I will find a means to get pics up. But I am not trying to do too much on the site. Grace has been extended, and I do not want to do something that will compromise that.

Finally, new email address a[dot]r[dot]j[dor]wright[at]gmail.com. Please use that address if you are having a problem sening me email to other addresses. Thanks and many blessings in advance.Read More

Right now, it is a bit hard to be here writing. I do not know how I will pay my bills this month. I am really tired of looking for work. And I really wish that I could be with Kyera becasue I need one of her holding hugs. The song that comes to mind says, rejoice in the Lord always. This time in my life is meant to further mold me. I do not know what I am being molded to. But I have to find a way to rejoice in the Lord regardless. I can't imagine that David (and the other psalmsists) did not feel the same way at times.

I watched Smallville tonight, as it was a two hour set of episodes tonight. The point of the episodes was the setup for the next season where Clark Kent would be accepting his destiny as a hero (becoming Superman). The trials that he has to go thru in just realizing who he is meant to be is crazy. I understand that that is TV and I live real life. But I cannot deny that I feel the same thing is happening to me. That I have to accept who I am, and all that I am going thru is leading me to find out who I am. The difference here is that I do not know of my superpowers. I do not read any prophecies about me by ancient Native American tribes. I just don't know what...who exactly I am to become when this is said and done. This world seems to be coming to a place where leaders will be called to account for their own integrity and people who follow them will be just as accountable. Am I called to be that leader, or that follower. I don't know.

For me, rough times are here and I am having to walk thru it. Please keep me in your prayers. Thannks and many blessings in advance.Read More

Here is my latest poem called It's Crazy.

This is crazy
Each time that I swipe the keys
I am told other than my intentions
That I would fail to appease you
And then you are left feeling the better
While I am left here asking God for better weather
I would rather die than see you shed another tear
I am sorry that I appear to leave
That my distance from you is looked down on
I am not there nor will I be
I cannot afford to stand still
Nor should you wait there to see
This is a walk I chose and you accompany me
But your actions tell me
That more sacrifice is needed from me

My waking hours are spent in check
Thinking of each moment spent
Each thought is kept a memory unwept
And yet
The phone calls and emails don’t do
I realize that this is a time for God proving Himself thru
So I stand and wait
I occupy the time
Working my hands to the ground
Until together again we are bound
And in the meantime
I wish and pray
Tired of just speaking words
Yet my dreaming hours have taken over this play
They have intercepted my reality
Nevermore should I see you
My nightmares keep me on bones and keys
Wishing that it was not distance
And yet it just began
When separation is because of your heart
I hope that I am a better man
While I am awake

This is crazy
Time can’t equal quality
Quantity cannot be described in a weekend meeting before responsibility
There should be some understanding of limits and fears
Expectations have to drop
Dang it I had a dream
Now it tears
Even the clowns tear at the mention
Because we understand that to fulfill this mission
I cannot
We cannot
Time cannot equal the growth that has to happen
Why am I feeling better about this
If I need you more than warm weather
Every little shake of my nose brings nothing
No twinkle dust to fly
Nor happy ending in sight
Only the basics
Fear God and commandments do
Sure God will come thru as He would usually do
But I am tired of walking on everyone else’s testimony
I need to walk this too
Walk with me so we can be clear in his fame
Give patience a chance and lovers will gain
Each measure played to God’s heart when we come together in His Name

I am tired of being wept and swept
Each time that I want to walk forward
I am tripped
Each time that I sit still I am kept
God has more in mind for me than just distance poems and cheeks wet
I have remained in him thus far
Be touched this much by my words that travel far
Be touched this much my words that are
Sincere I would hope to the heart’s ear

If I ever needed you
It would be in a hour such as this
The rain that disturbs my knee should be missed
For I would rather lie in pastures cool with mist
And as fog lifted like the veil I do pray
That it would life like my eyes looking towards heaven and say
It’s crazy God
You loving me like this
Shaken today because of the future history
Nevermind towards it because of the gift
I will make matter of life being all together fun
Show forth due praise and lift up
It’s hard Lord, living this Christian life
But dang it
Until she and I get together
Keep us in your arms this night.

Labels: poem

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It has been one of dem days. I read too much and thoght a bit much. Ecc. 12: 12-13 talks about how much studying can make one tired and weary. Then it says that the end of the matter is that one should fear God and keep His commandments (as this is the duty of man). More than anything, I have realized that I have not taken the latter as seriously. In looking for the Ethiopian version of the Bible, I walked into a few websites of info that I know that I had tried to keep myself from in the past. I read too much, and what I read made me sad about my state, and moreso about the state of the world. There really are those that believe that there is not much time before we are all called to judgement. Those that seek codes and philosophies and calendars who seek to make people aware, but I am sure that they are too shaken. I have to believe that there is too much to live for to be afraid of the future. I admit that I am shaken. Shaken because I am not sure of the future, and my present is sometimes just as blah. I listened too much and my eyes were opened. I do not think that I was not to see it, just maybe not at this point. There was a time when I used to want to know everything, but then I was bored with life, so I needed the surprise of not knowing. Ignorance in that sense is joy. I am shaken because I have to live submitting to my present. You see, this IS the day the Lord has made and I should rejoice and be glad in it. Rather than that, I decided to dwell on today. Being shaken now is my fault. I will have to not do that any more. Fear God and keep His commandments. That should be where my mind and heart lie.

Below is a poem that I wrote before I wrote the above. It is called Shaken.

Shaken
Because the news today was less than pleasant
In my heart I always knew it
Yet it is more clear and I see faintly the truth
Each second that I spend
Is a second closer to a death certain
Yet I am asked not to consider it
Only to live for a future never seen
Shaken
Down to the core when I cannot provide
Every note that I play is poetic
Yet I seek the heart of a psalmist
How much rather would my tender moments be revealed
And the truth of my weakness uncovered
I have to do my best
And watch each measure of it
It appears within me
It appears in front of me
I watch each measure
The core is broken
Shaken
Because there is so much to work towards
And yet it seems now nothing
I saw too much
And now I am filled with sorrow
I learned too much today
And I
I am less than brazen
I have been shaken.

I urge you to live each day as the present that it is. Do not let fears of the future shake you to not move in the present.

Labels: poem

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I have been published again at BargainPDA. It is a Back to School guide for handhelds. Check it out if you are in the market for a new handheld, or want to see what else is out there.
[Link Here]Read More

Just as the picture above suggests, I have added news from BargainPDA to the PDA side of the website. The news bar will show the latest in news from the PDA side of things as told by BargainPDA. You can see the BargainPDA News Bar on the PDA page on the right side. Check it out and stay informed.Read More