AntoineRJWright.com

And when I came in
The mood was much different
A promise of good times
A question of what is next
A hug to pass the time
A drink of life never tasted before
I looked towards the clock
Wanting the hours to pass faster
Yet now that they have passed I question my actions
Each photo taken
Each system failure
Each guide of protection
Each turned page
Each time that I went back to the windowsill
The pen's strokes keyed in me something less
And now I enter another door
Never to pass through the former again
Wishing that the next would be better
No longer feeling the attitude of the year past

Labels: poem

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I ask myself if it is the case that I should press others to know and use computer technology? Am I privledged to know more than others and therefore feel that it is my duty to impress that same energy onto others? Who am I to just say that a person has to use this or that and not even take into account their personal feelings on the matter? That seems to be a sign of vanity to me, a place where I thought that I was finished dealing with myself on.

Am I that type of person always looking for the seemingly easy way in adn out of things? Probably; perhaps. I walk a mile between the Metro station and my job and am always looking for a short cut. Looking for a way to get from point A to point B just a tick faster. A personality trait made evident in my walking.

I am looking for something to stimulate the back end of my brain. Working on the task at hand, but having a website up that talks about something completly different. Listening to conversations that do not inculde me while crunching numbers to an equasion whose time is not quite here yet. Am I just vain, or is there something wrong with me? Why can I not just settle into one thing at a time, like it seems the code of normal people tells that one has to do?

I shuddered thinking about what I was watching. I keep to myself to keep the wayward thoughts at bay. Spinning the ring on my left hand, I am left wondering if I will get to once again see the heart that set this circle around me. I meditate on the last verses spoken. And, find little to rest towards. When can this mind be put away? Even now, my struggles feel more like a Pauline rant than the reality of what I am going through. Am I framing myself within another's experiences. Am I more willing to see anything but the passion of my own life?

I ask myself if it is the case that I should press on? Should I walk further than any male in my family before me? Or, am I destined to just walk nowhere? Thinking that I am to become someone, I walk further into nothing no one ever knows. There are many questions that I have been left this year to ask myself. And yet, the year ends with too few answers to none.Read More

Hola to the end of 2004. You have been a hard and trying year for me. I have gained work and lost self. I have gained maturity with Kyera and my family, and lost money and a palm. I think that most of all, I have had this year to learn about myself more than ever before. Granted, if I were to go by how many times my website changed, I would say that this has also been a year of transistion.

Other than that, I am finding out that maybe doing my best is a tick too much. I am a task oriented person and usually find myself working until there is nothing else to do. I work on projects one at a time until there is nothing left for that project to be completed. On one hand, I think that is great. I get things done. But today, I kinda noticed that it makes me look like I am not getting any work done. I have had one person today question the fact that I have done work because when he passes me, I am usually not working. Today, I had nothing to do all day. That is weird for a county website to not get anything, but today I was left with nothing to do. And because I finished my major project a month ahead of schedule, I look like I am wasting time. My boss even stated to me some shock because he saw me looking at ESPN when I was "supposed" to be working. The issue was, as I relayed to him, was that no work came in that day and I was more than up to date on what I had been given. Its a good thing, but maybe I am working too well. I dont know how to not do my best at a speed that is a twitch faster than it probably needs to be. Maybe going into 2005 will help me there.

Lastly, I received some great emails today. Two musical cards from Kyera and 18 messages about an even that I will be going to this coming week. God certainly has his hand on me as I am just praying and asking always that my daily walk can be of quiet service. The song that led me home was You Are Holy by Lisa McClendon. When it came on, I was not even ready to be raptured into God's arms. But tis a great feeling. I pray that into this new year, I can take His presence everywhere I go and with everything that I do.Read More

Today has been a good, yet cold, day so far. I am back in the DC area after spending the weekend in Lancaster with Kyera. Back again to work, and moments of idleness. I have finished a large project and am awaiting another. In the meantime, I am taking the time to look at a ton of information.

Among all the information, I am seeing a trend towards reflection. Many articles are either looking over the year, reflecting on what has been and what could have been different. Others are using the events of this year to speculate on the shape of next year. If there is one thing that I gather from all of this back/forward reflecting is that issue of being untitled by design. There is a good reason why I believe God knows the future and we dont. We are quick to not break out of the confines of the terms that we have assessed for a situation. To that end, giving the next year a title - a certain specualtion - is like trying to say that there is only one new year that will be acceptable. Fortunately, life is not like that and the next years, months, and even days are untitled. They are there to come a gifts with which only then we will be ready for. Until they come though, we cannot speculate on anything except that we will meet them. For that is our design, to me an gift head on and be a gift for times to come.Read More

I tried to do this from my handheld computer a few days ago but it did not work out apparently. I want to wish everyone I know a restful season's greetings. Happy CHRISTmas and merry New Year. Be sure to sleep and get some egg nog (with no alcohol).

To my ladi Kyera; thank you for an excellent weekend. I prayed that we would have a good time and that was true each moment that we shared this weekend. I love you and appreciate the gift that you are to me. Twas hard to leave you this morning. When I went to your room to say good-bye, I was tempted to just sit there for a few more hours. I did/do not want our time together to end. I loved the time we shared with your mom and step-dad. Hopefully, we can do some more of that once you return. Catch a hug, a really long one. Your scarf keeps me warm too ya know ;)

To my bro Trev: wet and muddy. I am sure that I could make a Iraq-styled CHRISTmas song just for that kind of occasion. I talked to you mom and it felt great knowing that you are safe and in God's arms. Keep rolling, keep working. And mail cometh. I love you bro and wait anxiously for you to return.

To my friends and family; hi :) Glad to have talked to many of you, and seen others this holiday season. I hope to do more of that on these holiday times. I want to be that good son/cousin/nephew that comes and visits well on the holidays. May God bless all of you.

Aleta, I love ya sis, get a goal and run hard at it.

Peace and blessings to all.Read More

The Lord is high above the heavens (The Lord is high above the heavens)
And His glory above all nations (And His glory above all nations)
The Lord is high above the heavens (The Lord is high above the heavens)
And His glory above all nations (And His glory above all nations)

So give God the highest praise
Acknowledge Him and always
Let all His people sing
Haleigh, haleigh, halleuja
Ohh, ohh, haleigh (haleigh)
Leuja (Leuja)
Haleigh (haleigh)
Leuja (Leuja)
Haleigh (haleigh)
Leuja (Leuja)
Ohh, ohh, haleigh (haleigh)
Leuja (Leuja)
Haleigh (haleigh)
Leuja (Leuja)
Haleigh (haleigh)
Leuja (Leuja)

So give God the highest praise
Acknowledge Him and always
Let all His people sing
Haleigh, haleigh, halleujaRead More

Due to a request, I am republishing Mobile Ministry Magazine. This is teh first version, I will make changes and updates to it as soon as I can. Click here to read it in Acrobat Reader Read More

I am standing on the cusp
And then I move
Feeling the winds of change under me
I walk towards that destiny
I can live up now towards these expectations
I am now confident
I am no longer feeling defeated
And yet I am no further than I was
I refuse to feel the way I was
I have moved
I have gotten free
Why am I dealing with the same issues
Time has come
Issues have remained
I refuse to go back again
I don’t want to feel like this again
And yet the cusp as remained afore me
Again I am here
Wishing not to rehash this pain again.

Labels: poem

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Good afternoon. I am doing well. You know God is great and greatly to be praised. Glory Glory to his name. God is great and greatly to be praised. Bless the Lord O my soul. I feel like going on. I feel like going on. Though trails come on every hand, I feel like going on. Lord make me over. Lord make me over, Lord make me over, make me over again. Make me over again. Transparent before you throne Oh Lord. That is the way I long to worship. Father create in me all that you want to see when I come to Worship you. You are the giver of life. You are my heart's desire. You are my HIGHEST DELIGHT, I love you lord. I Love you Lord with all of my heart. I Love you Lord. I Love you Lord with all of my might. I Love you Lord. From the depths of my heart, I worship you. I Love you Lord. Oh how I love you, O how I adore you, O how I Love you Lord. Touch me once again my savior and my friend. Remove those things in me that still my victory. there is no where I can go but to the one who knows how to touch me with a love that never needs. I need you more, more than yesterday, I need you more, more than words can say. I need you more, than every before. I need you more, I need you more. More than the Air I breath, more than the songs I sing, more than the next heart beat, More than anything. More as time goes by, I will be by your side because I never want to go back to my old life. I need you more. Savior more than life to me. You are the joy and air I breath. No other lover shall there be that makes my spirit sing. Hold me close don't let me go. You're the only friend I'll ever know. That
is why I love you so. For your more than life to me, yes you're more than life to me. More, More, More, I've been searching and you are more than life to me. Yes you are. That is why I love you so. Your more than life to me. Bread of life sent down from Glory, many thing you were on earth; a holy king, a carpenter, you are the living word. Awesome ruler, gentle redeemer, God with us the living truth and what a friend we have in you. You are the living word. Jesus Jesus, that's what we call you manger born but on a tree you died to save humanity. You are the living word. Who am I that you are mindful of me? That you hear me when I call. Is it true that you thinking of me? How you love me, its AMAZING. I am a friend of God. He calls me friend. Perfect in true. Pure in all your ways. Oh Lord there is none else like you, no one like you. And all these things keep me in awe of you. And I'm overwhelmed that you would call me friend. What is man that though are mindful of him? Could this AWESOME God find common ground in him? Just to know that you delight to be with me, fills my heart with so much Joy. You are symphony, perfect in harmony, are you my melody forever and ever that's why I sing, you are my song. No other song compares to you. NO other phrase ring strong and true. You Spirit speaks peace to my soul, that's why I sing, Lord you are my song. You're the tone of power, in the key of honor, filled with Glory, Lord you are my song. For your endless mercy and your loving kindness, pulls my heart strings daily, Lord you are my song.

Amen
~If you want to contact him in thanks of this piece, please leave your comments to this posting and I will make sure that he receives them.Read More

I'm blessed to be
In the mist of thee
I waited for a time
I've wanted say
You are destiny
When I hold close to I
And how I waited here
For you
And your older sister too
And how I wanted
You to know that
I will love you too

It was so clear
To me that night
When college had me lain
That God would grant me
And your mother
A love like springtime rain
And now that you have
Been brought down from
God's loving arms
He's given you
To me that I might
Keep you safe and warm
And though I write
Before I'd see
Your eyes reality
I bless God for you
I bless your mom too
For the promise has come to be

I'm blessed to be
In the mist of thee
I waited for a time
I've wanted say
You are destiny
When I hold close to I
And how I waited here
For you
And your older sister too
And how I wanted
You to know that
I will love you too

Labels: poem

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I am here at work and slowing down a good bit. I just put on my MP3s from my palm and realize that I haven't done devotionals yet today. It is normal as I usually wait until later in the day, but I did have some prayer earlier.

So what should I meditate on today. Destiny, Correction and reproof. Maybe I should just go back to studying discernment. I need old lessons on that one. So much and so little time. Oh well, I will get to devos, in the meantime, may your day be blessed and may you find today as the day God has manifested his promises to you.Read More

I got up and got to work early this morning. I was aiming for being at work about an hour earlier, I ended up being an hour and a half earlier. It's 1pm now and I am terribly tired of work. Blame Friday and rain, but I am working on a project that just is dull. I am moving thru it though.

I will get to posting the Poetry and Professional sections at some point. I don't know when. But I will get them up. I have posted much poetry in this section and that is where the poetry page will be getting its stuff from.

Other than that I am in for a restful weekend. Would be nice to be with Kyera, but she knows that already ;) Can't wait till Christmas love.

Speaking of Invasion Day (Christmas) - got that from Flame (www.crossmovementrecords.com) and the Gift Rap CD; I think that I feel comfy in Christmas as a day to celebrate my salvation. It has taken a while to get out of the gifting mode and into the point of the season. I pray that even as some of you are out doing gifts and dinners, that you take time to remember that if it wasnt for Jesus invading our space, we might not have a reason to celebrate anything, let along peace and goodwill.Read More

Before I get started with work today, I had a chance to meditate on the past few days and my responce to things that are familiar to me. I feel that I am in a place where I was many years ago where I had God's destinty right in front of me, and people and I all saw it, but at that time I never sought to embrace it. That thing, it was just too heavy for me to handle then, and now. So now, I have made it back to that point. I don't see it as a season, rather as a step. Where I have to make the choice to move or not.

I lean toward not, because it means that things will be drastically different. I wonder if the many great people of times past had to graple with that. I asked myself, "what did Martin Luther feel like in the days/months leading up to his writing of the 95 Thesis? How did David feel as a young man when he knew that he was on the verge of something big, even after he slew Goliath? How did Jesus respond to the pressures on himself as a youth, knowing Dad had a destiny for him, but in his humanity not knowing if it was his to make the choice to go do?"

I think that even if I made the decsion to create a new shell and go into it, I would still be pushed into whatever it is that God is leading me towards. In some ways, I feel like that person in the Terminator series who throughout each movie was told that there is no escaping his destiny. Even with the Terminator coming back in time to preserve his life, there was no escaping the fact that he would lead the resistance that would save the world from the machines.

Maybe I am just reading too much into things. My goal is to be closer than worship, yet I am feeling more like closer to insanity. The "who am I" questions happen more now than any time since that last run some years back. And life in general seems to just speak quite a bit louder than before. And so that is where my devo time started today. With asking God, "what the heck is happening to me and others around me? And why are things so clear, yet so confusing?" That is where I lie at this point. Hopefully, by the end of the day, I will be closer to an answer.Read More

Well, I have finally worked a full week at my new job and things are well. I have figured out that I get quite tired with the traveling, but other than that things are easy enough at this point to handle.

This weekend I watched a movie called The Five People You Meet When You Get to Heaven and it was really good. It was adapted off of a book. The person who wrote it was extremly imaginative. The people who made it into a move made a very powerful piece as well. It had me thinking about my father, my bro Trev who is in Kuwait, my fiance Kyera, and my life in general. In some ways, the movie answered a question that I have had for a long time in terms of what does one life mean in the scope of everything. Trying to find my niche and purpose is sometimes fustrating. Yet, to know that everyone and everything has a purpose to which only God has designed and knows is a peaceful thuoght. I have to admit, since I have come down to the DC area, purpose and design has been largely on my mind and heart. It is good to know that God sends me consolidation in various means.

Last thing before I get back to work. Just was listening to a song called Invasion Day by Flame on the Cross Movement Gift Rap CD. Flame seeks to break up the commonally held ideals by Christians about the season of Christmas, and at the same time offers an excellent lesson in biblical accuracy. He quotes Jeremiah 10:2-4 as a reason why some Christians do not do Christmas trees. His argument is that it is no good to do the tree unless one understands the history of it and then compares it to scripture. Making wise decisions based on the facts of life and scripture are essential in being a successful witness of the Gospel. It is my hope that I would be a better example of Godliness this holiday season when everyone seems to be under the do-gooder microscope.Read More

I have only a little bit of time before I have to leave work to catch the two buses and one train to my cousin's place, which is now home. There isnt much money in my pocket either. But even after that, and getting some really high levels of work thrown at me, I am looking to God to be my peace. I sit here at work and interact with some of the people here. From some of them, I get this feeling that this is it. That this is where they will stop growing. From others, I get that feeling that this is it because they cannot dream any more. But then, there is me. I do not see this as my be all end all. I believe that if I can do well here, that God will push me into an even bigger and better area.

My mediation on the way home will then be this:
Hebrews 12:1-2
Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us//Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God

I have to believe that God will prosper me. That I will be diligent, and He will bless me in that. I am looking for a car. God will bless me in that. I am looking for all my bills to be paid. God will bless me in that. And in the mist of all that blessing: I will stand for Him. Peace.Read More