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This poem is the last for the collection titled "A Return to Closer Than Worship"

Been meaning to finish this journey for a few years now
Have taken much of the past year to retrace my steps
I am closer now I think
So far from everything familiar
No straws to grasp
Anger took its mark
Love was set then went
Now here I am
One year after a journey renewed
Seeing so clearly that nothing yet is over

I purposed in my heart to be a better lover
I purposed to be a man
I am a husband in waiting
A father in dreaming
A brother in hand
A son in need of a Father
I remembered when I couldn’t think this far
Afraid that I would die before I would live
Grasping for air while floating
I swam this year harder than ever

Even the days are longer in receiving my best
I struggle with accepting my worst
I am my biggest critic
And have learned to become my biggest admirer
Hence when I look back at the pen that fell this year
I can say that I am just a bit closer
But the journey is no where near over.

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Today is just like every day before
I wake up to stretch my muscles
Grabbing my gear I walk out the door
Even on the way I have a warm up
Not yet beginning and I have to move
Faster and faster until I make it there
The track
Each day where I find myself
Running constantly against myself
Against the wind
Against the stares
With the applause
I run
Reaching the line I am called on deck
Returning to stretch I am given glares
Each one thinking me less than better
To the back lanes to warm up
Stares again ensue as my wife to be embraces me
She sits
The area just a gradient around to the other side
People on either end wanting to cheer
Wanting to jeer
I approach the start line
I hate this part
Hunch down on two knees
Lord why does it have to be this way
One leg back
How will I respond today
The other leg back
The crowd gets louder
The expectations get higher
Lord can I be moved from this track
Can’t you call a rain delay
I wish that I was not here
But this is my task
Runners take your mark
My mind has to refocus
Get set
Get rid of anger, malice, pride
Find the center of my joy
For that will be the only way thru this
The gun goes off and only one more thought
Why is it that everyday of my life is based on race?

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Today, I am sitting with Kyera and Emilie as they are gettin ready for their presentation about their trip to Kenya. I am just here listening and all while they talk about it and go thru pictures.

In other news, I have been running my new car around quite a bit. I am over 3000 miles with it now and will have to schedule the 5000 mile check up soon. Its been really good, and aside from keeping it clean (mental note to get a car vac) it is doing very well.

Lokoing at my ladi as she is going thru pics and wearing my jacket. I sometimes cannot believe that someone so kool; so beautiful; so Godly will one day soon be the woman that I marry. For me, she is a dream come true. Yes, we are as different as brown and white rice, but we fit. I cannot explain it, but on the little things we dont agree, but on the most important things we do. I got a good word some time ago to love her without considering how much love I get in return. For me, I didnt realize until this week that I had loved her with that condition. God knows I want to love her unconditionally. Here's hoping that this is something that I pick up in the time before we wed.

Well, that's all for now. Back to posting on Mobile Ministry Magazine. I see an article that will be of interest. Peace and blessings and thanks for visiting.Read More

Dont know why I havent really been writing here for the last week. Granted, MMM does keep me quite busy. It is good to have another area where I can devote time and enery to. Though, it is one that has to take a backseat to other issues.

Been spending time with my best friend/love/fiance/super nice person that I like to hug, Kyera. I admit, its great having her back in teh states, though I am finding it hard to always communicate things clearly. Surely God did leave some instructions for communication in the many other life manual lessons the Word gives.

Normally, I try not to cross my interests with my personal life, but it some respects, that seems to be happening. I'd like to sit here more often and type about this and that, but many times I come to post, only to find that it is better served to the community of faith at MMM. Hopefully, God would grant some favor and needs in that area as well.

Sweety, I am sorry for our spat. I do hope that you rest well and forgive me.

I wonder what's next. Clearly, this is a time when there is a lot of change going on. It even seems that there is a person at work delivberty there to challenge me to be a better person and to reach goals that I have set, no matter how high. I realize that I am quite young compared to those I am around at work, but I am no less because of it. In fact, I have a responsiblity to be more since I have others to learn from. I just wish that programming wasnt so tedious.

I guess thats all for now. I am thinking that my mom is probably reading this saying that I am revealing too much again about myself. That might be true, its also true that this is a well needed release. And to not do it would probably kill me from within.Read More

I guess that sometimes you just have to keep speaking to yourself in psalms and spiritual hymns until you have nothing on your heart but the need to bless God. Yes, stuff is still going on, but I have to, it is basically as necessary as it is to breathe, to keep His praises in my mouth. Whether that willl change things are no longer my concern;

I will bless the Lord, at all times; and His praises shall continually be in my mouth!Read More

My hands are struggling to hold up peace
Father I need you more than ever
Looking for just a bit more than yesterday
When I just barely made it to today
I walked closely to the path you've blazed
And a perilous road you've traveled it well
I cannot stop moving for you kept going too
This road turns quickly and down hills steep fast
I drag my hands into the ground
Hoping to slow down enough to see what's next
I cannot
So here I slide back behind your shadow
You've told me that all issues you would take care of
And so I find an excuse to rest in travels
I don't want to neglect responsiblities
But I do want to just break for a while
When my day is over I just ask plainly
Can I lay in your arms
For my body cannot hold on without you.

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I searched far and wide for your gaze
And you told me that where I am you are
I find my place in dissaray
And yet still you make enough mention of your love for me
I looked for a way out of the everyday
Stresses and blesses came and went
I looked for the reasons to leave this home
And found my place again before you
Time straws on me taking grass making hay
I am slowly eaten by the workhorses
The occasional maze I am made to be is destroyed in sway
And yet I have a mention in your lips
I find my place again before you
Every piece of being within me
Finds there is no other place I'd rather be
And yet I run scared of the mark it leaves
Like footprints in mud there is always an impression
And a realization that something good passes through here
I look left and right, up and down
And find my place with you all along

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I dont question whether I am built for my walk in Christ. That much I know is already handled. I even try not to question the blessings that I have received; because that is equivelant to me trying to answer why God is love. I don't question the love that people have expressed towards me; though at times I do drift off to wondering.

So why am I questioning my performance here at this job. It is not like I am doing things wrong left and right. On the contrary, I am being asked to skew what I am doing to fit X or Y. I spent so long at college trying to just consider that am placed on this earth for more than just my own benefit. Realizing a wonderful relationship, and friendships that can span long distances do not call that into question any more.

I question right now if I am built for this job that I am in. Do I take tasks so personal that to not get them done offends the very core of me. That to delay means that you miss that minute that you will never get back, and so I live to make the most of every one. At least, I hope that I do. So why am I questioning why I am here if I cannot stand the environment. The only thing that comes to mind is a song that I heard earlier.

"I life my hands; and I life my voice, unto the Lord; I lift my life...unto thee oh Lord; I dedicate my service; unto thee oh Lord; I dedicate my life..."

And if that is the case, why am I questioning where He has put me?Read More

Was over at Holy Culture radio to listen to the Soul Bombing mixshow. I don't want to buff over it none, but if you have the time to read this, listen to that show and the song Stars n' Stripes. Made a real point in me as that was my life. Man, no words else needed, just listen please and see how redemptive Chirst is.Read More

As I sit here at work today, I am overhearing a conversation between other people in the office talking about their now grown kids. As I listen to them I realize that I am really in a different place than my youth, or even those that I was around in college. People here talk about wealth building, childern who work for Fortune 500 companies, and just a higher quality of life in general.

I am used to being around people who do the cheapest and fight for the most out of a dollar. Never have I been around people who's minds aren't on stretching a dollar, but on everything else but. Granted, folks need Christ here too. A lot of different philosophies all over the office, but that's what I and others, are here for.

Its just different being in an area where there is no question about needs being met; the only issues here stem from leaving a positive legacy. That's my mindset for sure, and I am glad to be around others that think like that.Read More

Its a new week, and thanks be to God for new blessings. This weekend I purchased my first car, a 2005 Honda Civic LX. Pics will have to come soon of course. Also, I spoke to my ladi, and will be seeing her this coming weekend when she comes from Kenya. Safe to say that 5 days is much more a blessing than 4 months. Also, I was able to fellowship with my brother Jason and his family for church on Sunday. It was great to be able to take people to church with me and we all just have a good time. Right now, I am getting ready to leave work and just finding that driving may make work a bit more pleasurable as I am able to rest some more. Granted, there is traffic and silly people on the roadways, there is an extra 2hrs to my day gained that come in handy for sleep and doing things I wouldnt usually get the chance to do. Ah, a new week with new blessings. Tis refreshing.Read More

I used to think that eating right and exercising made me healthy; then I met Christ. I used to think praying and speaking Scripture made me healthy; then I realized His love. I used to think that what people saw in me was up to me; then I grabbed a hold of integrity.

I know that there are many conceptions to which people ascribe their lives towards, but for me; I have to be transparent. Not only to myself, but to others. I tell the truth to a fault I am told. And I reveal too much about myself. Truth be told, I feel that if I cannot present me, then I am living a lie. And lies always lead to death.Read More