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Saturday, July 30, 2005

@ Peace or Not@ Peace or Not
I write this knowing the previous posts will kinda vanish. Click here to read the me before God cleaned me up.

I never plan to run away. It just happens over and over. Sometimes, I get a chance to see who I could of been. Yet in my ignorance God called forth mercy. I understand a wounded Samsom wanting to be comforted. No longer do I look down, I see him and realize this need for a Savoir.

There is no doubt. This country needs Jesus. Its just in sitting @ this jazz night. I need him more. Without the grace/mercy/love of Jesus I am a hollow smile.

Someone asked if I were a theoretical or practical Christian. Unless I manage to abide in Him, peace will vanish like my old posts.

Poem: Hollow Weaned

Does the sound of my worship
Ring true in your ears
Does my rest bring you pleasure
Or is it all just walking further away
Does my intentional distance
Also keep your presence away
Am I no longer speaking in tones of depth
Have I not been weaned from the hollow

Does this time on my knees
Break for pains of light-heartiness
Does my feet going to and for set your stage
Or is it an act long since finished
Does my intentional speaking
Also keep your heart at bay
Am I no longer walking within your depths
Have I traded those for walking in the hollow

These are the things I wonder
As I round about this day and year
I walk some more in memory
Wanting theories to turn practical
Does my heartâ€™s desire
Match yours
Does my season for warmth pass
Have I stored enough for the fall
Or am I falling into the depths
The hollow of your heart actually calling me closer

Labels: poem

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Poem: I Am Ground

My hands have returned to the ground
Uncuffing my heart they now are soiled with life
Each day dirtier and dirtier
The mud and clay of each day resides upon me
I stink
My mind sweating profusely because of matters urgent and far
This is my only course of action
For before I held my mind with my hands
And my heart was left free to run its course
Now life's lasso keeps me curtailed
Feeding only on news and details of the hour
Wishing that one story could report of my plight
That one person could see that I really struggle to make hay
That person walks thru me like leaves of grass
A passing word hoped to never be heard again
Like that grass I wish that I would grow past the weeds
Be sharpened to the cut in a young man's brow
My hands instead beat at the sun drenched ground
My heart lagging behind
My mind its taskmaster
The dirt that covers my hands now fills my nostrils
Smelling like manure I know I am ripe for growth
Yet I cannot get over the fact that I am here
I stink
Every pore of my body wanting this season to end quickly
My internals loving the heat for it purifies the soul
My soul once filthy
My soul no longer looking my hands
Each day I spend grasping at the ground
Wanting the sky to stop falling
Is each day more that my heart is left unchained
But yolked to the fact that my life is being worked on

Labels: poem

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Ova Da Hump

You know when you are getting older when it takes a bit longer to recover from injuries. I am still hurting on my knee, but things are well.

The past few days have been ncie and hot. Heat warnings are all over the place. Personally, I am liking the heat as it is just keeping people from getting on eachother's nerves at work. Making my job a bit easier, when the AC works that is. I have had a nice sized deal of things at work and am looking forward to some days off soon.

Mobile Ministry Mag is doing well. If you are in need of a Verizon phone and can talk about how you would use it in ministry, then I have one for you. Check out MMM by clicking that link at the bottom right of the page here to see that and other postings.

I was going to use this posting as a bit of a soapbox, but I think that everyone who has talked to me over the past week is tired of me and getting on my box, so, i will just say that all I want for Christmas is for Christ to come back. Thats all.

Hope that all of you have a rested night. And if by chance you called me and I missed calling you back, just send me some email, I am better off there anywyas. Blessings.

Monday, July 25, 2005

A Sore Knee and Happy Spirit

I guess this is what I get for playing bball with my bro Trev. I tweaked the knee I had surgery on on 99 and I am back to old man limping again. I cannot complain as I did at least get to spend some time with Trev. Its good to see him back.

Apologies for the Office Space movie. Hadnt seen it in a while. Made me realize that there was a lot of 'stuff' that I watched many years ago that I really passed off on that were not really good. Goes to show why there is so much that God is purging out of me now.

More pics will come when I get a chance. Sorry that the page takes a while to load, but its more because of the pics than because of the Flash. I'll try to figure something else on that part later.

Make sure that you visit Mobile Ministry Magazine. The reading is a ton better there, and much more oriented towards reaching the 'ends of the earth' than anything else.

Finally, whassup to Jason and Nicole. Haven't seen you in a good long time. Blessings to you and your little guy.

As for me, back to work, and that sore knee; thank God for His peace in the mist of it all :)

Sunday, July 24, 2005

I'll Wonder AloudI'll Wonder Aloud
As I sit here in this church I am visiting, I remember that this is a type of church I stopped frequenting.

I see a nation/community in need of Jesus. Even last night I was called within myself to get inline with God's vision for His people. I don't see this church ministering to God's heart.

Yes, there is a need to learn how God worked thru times past. It is important to know how Jesus walked. But should we be here every week learning how to struggle or delivering this place from sin's struggle for our souls by preaching the Gospel. I wonder why we would sit while people would meet to discuss the solution when people suffer from Sat night sins. Where is the preventative medicine training via the saving knowledge of the death & resurrectionn of Our Lord.

Why am I now addressing this? I wonder if this is what Dad is looking for from me. Lord, I wonder aloud - what do I do with all that you gave me.

Friday, July 22, 2005

One More Thing

New theme added today. Its caleld Tea Time. Enjoy.

Pics Are Starting

So, its a good thing I have a copy of the site at work. I have started the pics going up. Hopefully, it will not take forever to get my friends up there. But know that I am working on it. Also, to my fam, hope I don't have any embarassing pics of you 8^D

Sometimes I want to think that racism is dead. Really, I'd like to think that people would just get over pat hurts long enough to see the goodness in someone else (at least in those Christlike folks that earnestly walk with Him). But it distrubs me when folks say that you should be with this person or that person. It is like they have some color-coded heart that says that all of God's creation is good, just not good for you.

There is a person in my office who is quite offended that I would date a white woman. Quite offended. Its a shame really. This person gets off more on intimidation than integrity. I said to him that reverse racism is quite wrong (should/could have used otehr words but this is a workplace setting). It is just off to me that people carry this distaste towards others. It's skin color. I can see if we were in the 1870s and it was one family made at another for killing X-person. But its 2005, and the worst issue that most Americans have today is whether to eat food from home or go out.

If I had my way, racism would be elimated from the hearts of men and women in this country, and we would honestly look at another person for the blessing they are; not for the color they aren't.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Past Few Days

In the past few days, especially the past half and hour to an hour, I have found myself in worsip more. I have to say that this is all to excellent. Haven't had this kind of time in a good while, and here in this apartment, the mood is always set that when I come home and the day is done; I can just fall face and give honor to MY KING.

I guess that in some ways, God was waiting for me to operate in this capacity. For me, I have long since needed this freedom, and being under my own roof gives me air to do this. God be praised for some space!

So what's next? I really dont know. Spiritually, there are things going on around me that I am aware of but dont understand. I do know God needs me fallen faced so that He can operate. Its not like He needs me to be some overseer, but just to continue to give to Him.

That kinda brings up another issue; I give to Him. What can I give to you?

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Poem: Where God Is

Where God Is
Us means three
No other options
Just accepting the Word
It was just a last night
Fighting with more than one
Stand with us
Though there are more
Us deserves a touch
Where God is
Supplied needs harvest here
We will see
See God's glory
One way or another
He deserves our lives
And returns our families
And the world to where He is.

Labels: poem

A Reply In Tow

I wrote this as a response to an email to a friend, but wanted to share it with all. I think that before folks would email me again left and right about what's been on my heart lately, they should know a chunk of what is happening with me. Just read it and pray is all I ask:

Last night, I was going to reply, but got into a really good convo with my uncle and so the terms of me living had to change a bit. Let me explain: my uncle Kraig is walking with God. He and my aunt Yolanda are some amazing people. These two are really living testimonies towards Godâ€™s hand on my family. Two weekends ago I spent some time with them and their 17 month old daughter Erin. I learned a good deal more about my family, and even more still about the spiritual heritage that our families had forsaken. God was calling us back, and using them as a conduit. This is where I come in. I knew that God wants for our family to be holy, just not knowing him (that Samaritan woman kind of relationship). And so I sought him for myself. It has happened that where I have been walking towards has now come together with my aunt and uncle. They cracked the wall open, and now I am having to walk thru it. I guess you can say that God has called me out to start something from which other members of my family will do even more. But this part depends on me, and so I must walk it out. Last night; I started this process by simply standing. It was a tough fight; I was not left alone until I got in line behind our Lord. But I found my place in line and let God do him. This is hard for me my friend, and before I would dare place any other prayer requests on you, I just ask that you keep me in your prayers as I know that I clearly made a dent on the enemy last night. And if just going to sleep was any indication, this is going to be a wild fight.

Poem: You Commanded Your Peace

I look and I find
There is no other place
Where you would have me be
Where you can be seen
I look and I find
When I look deep within
Your peace will I find
Your words lie therein

You commanded your peace
Arrayed by thy Word
You have given me peace
You’ve taken over

I look and I find
When the storms have be lain
And the waves crash on me
Again and again
I look and I find
My Savior towards me
You would lift me on up
And command winds to cease

You’ve commanded your peace
Arrayed by thy Word
You have given me peace
You’ve taken over
You have commanded your peace
I sought deep within
And then I found by your word
This conquering word gem

Labels: poem

Monday, July 18, 2005

Poem: I Sit A Bit Longer

As I sit
I think hard
I think long
Respond to nothing as I process more
As I sit
I think harder
I think longer
Responding to nothing processing more
As I sit
I relax from thinking
Reach inwards towards prayer
I am programmed to respond not
Until I reach that answer
And praise reaches me
I am no longer processing
Condemned from none
Innocent of fewer
As I sit
I am convicted of my actions never done
Responding to nothing
I am asked thrice
Before a reply would ensue fear
I would leave
Afraid that I would stop sitting
And move
I would see that man again
And behold that darker man again
I used to wonder where he comes from
But now
As I sit no longer
I run from responding
Within me I am responding
And out
I no longer sit for a response
But lie on my face in pain inflicted
Where hands never laid bare
Long I think
Harder I think
Fearful of the truth is not just me
I sit for maybe the last time
Running from responses that would reach inward
Sitting
Needing to bless
Needing to sit still

Labels: poem

Sunday, July 17, 2005

I Guess

Tis a nice day this today is. At some point, I need to get outa here and go to Staples and get me a new keyboard for my palm. I really would like to be doing more posting and web stuff from my palm, than waiting to do it at my computer.

Speaking more on Palms, I helped a friend get setup with his Treo 650 smartphone this weekend. It was great to see the joy on his face when we got everything up and rolling. He is quite happy that he can get mail and (will soon find out) that he can do other things on his Treo. When one comes out that has as much internal memory as my T5, then I will go ahead and move to an all in one device.

To my friends who are in need of God to move in a few areas; know that I am keeping you in my prayers.

I ask that you all keep Kyera and I in your prayers as things are harder more than they are easier lately.

Well, that's all for now. At some point I need to get some rest in, so this is it. Peace and blessings to all...

oh whassup Devon and Jon B. :)

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

At Work And Wondering

I sit here at work and wonder how I am to make an impression about the truth of God to people. In part, I am motivated to think via a conversation that I have just overheard; and then there is just that issue where some people here are of the ilk that they will believe things when they see them. Weird how I work in such a logical area and have a faith-based approach. I guess that makes me of a different ilk than those here.

I have been involved with work for the last hour and lost my complete train of thuoght.

I had the thought that I should pray and ask for an Elijah type happening to occur here at work. Basically that since people want to see God, that God would just show up and out do all the misconceptions that people have about him. I heard pastors being characterized as knownothings, CHristians claimed as people who dont really know the truth, and a general distaste for any standard that does not fit within their frame of wants. I guess to that end, I am wanting to just stand more than I am. I'd like to see God get more respect than what He is given. That should start with me. That will start with me.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Relaxed Thoughts

I have been sitting here at work all day and all that I can think of is the restful time that I had yesterday on my back deck. You see, in the new apartment that I have, there is a back porch. Its kool. Since I am on the 3rd floor, there is no on above me but God. And that makes for soem very restful moments.

Yesterday, I took a hour or two just to sit by myself and surf teh web while sitting outside. I even spent dinnertime with Kyera outside, and even later resting with her (for a little bit) under the stars. To me, it was great. There was nothing but peace right there, outside.

I thank God for that relaxed time. Work hasnt been so relaxing with fixing new issues with the new website. But I have been better able to handle things. Thanks be to God for this restful time. I look forward to more of those in the new place/season in my life.

Monday, July 04, 2005

New Apartment, New Life

I have moved into my new aptartment this weekend. Its been a weird move, as I have had things in Philly that I have gotten and things in Manassas that I have. But no furinature yet. I actually like that there is nothing but floor space though. It gives me room to think and move around. I will need to get a table and some chairs soon though. I would like to have people over for rest/chill nites.

Aside from that, it does feel a bit like this is another new section of my life. Here, I am in a place by myself and being asked (mostly by God and myself) to live in integrity behind closed doors, to live as a good steward, and still to have the edge/fun that makes me who I am. Should be fun. But I am sure that this has its own bumps along the way.

Saw The Incredibles last nite (all the w ays thru, I only saw it in parts before). It was quite good. Not Toy Story, but mos def a funny movie. Spidey 2 is on the gammut for tonite. I think I saw it, but I have no idea. Wait, yup. I did. Oh well, should be a blast again anyways.

Happy Independance Day in Christ to all...gotta give honor where its due first right :)

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Antoine RJ Wright

Mobile Lifestyle Evangelist, Mobile Minister

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