AntoineRJWright.com

Its weird, sometimes I have this momentary view that everything is going according to God's plan but not quite pleasing; and there are other times that I have no idea what the plan is but it is pleasing. I guess both of those can gather into my feelings right now. But its ok, its only a day; if I make it to another, then I can honestly say that I grew from the day before.

I need to figure out how to do the photo gallery in a more dynamic manner. I have a ton of pics from the past weekend that I want to put up (and others from previous times), but I dont want to go thru the hassle of tweening and things like that just to make it happen. I am sure there is some Action Script in there, but who knows until I try.

I dont have the net on at home still. In some ways its a good thing as my nights at home are nice and quiet. There is some worship, a game, and perhaps the reading of the junk mail for the surpries coupon or offer (got a free Chipolte Burrito in an offer in the mail last nite). I am really settling down here in MD. Its home for now, but its not the intended destination by any means.

Got a kick out of visiting my family this past weekend. It was really good to see Derrick and Omar. Their little ones are a blessing - though Derrick is still in the "I'm a dad" surprise mode. I cannot wait until he moves up north. I want to spend more time with him as its been many years since we have done so.

Tis all for now. I need to find Damond so I can get MMM's FTP back up and running. Until then, I post and no one sees (kinda weird aint it).Read More

I will be honest; I really dont know if i ever expect anyone to read these posts. Sometimes, I just write for the sake of wanting to get things out so that my mind and heart are free to think and meditate on other things that might be more or less pressing.

But then I have these moments when it hits me that life is only getting harder and harder each moment. Yes, I have a execellent slew of counsins that I have seen this holiday seeason thus far, but then, I think about how they have kids and arent married. Am I destined for the same trail? Or is this a case of me being shown what I cculd have been before I would do the saem?

I think about managing my anger and if those I love will never again fear feeling its heat. I'd love to make that promise to them; but I am so very scared to break it either. God, I wish that this side of me was a much easier equasion to solve.

I know, I know. And I believe it. With God, I can make it. I will make it. I will see the sky in my youth and run and touch it when I would get older. And now that I have touched the sky, I am wanting of a bit mre of what the Father offers. Its just a weird me thing I guess.

And so even at this hour, thinking about it only gets harder.Read More

I had a great weekend with my family in Va this weekend. My lil cousin took me under her wing and I am now her TaTa. Love the new name, I might have to do an email addy with that one :)

Got cookies?
Cooooookkkkiesss!
(inside joke there)
My aunt and uncle fed me very well this weekend. Besides lasangia and some excellent Glory bread, I got cookies. Now, if you want these one of a kind cookies, you will have to get in contact with them; I aint sharing (a lot).

One of the best parts of the weekend was traveling over the Chesepeak bay bridge in both MD and VA. I had not stopped and walked on the pier since I was really little and so I did that. I even was able to take some great pics with my Treo's camera and just had some fun. On the way back it was dark and I took pics with my camera and got some really neat driver's side views (and I was doing the speed limit so no worries there).

This holiday I will be seeing some more family, this time in PA. I cannot wait to get there and see smore more of my cousins. Kyera wont be with me, but she will be in sunny Florida living it up with her family. I really need to get in some sunny weather. The rain and cold aint good for a bro :)

Until later, thanks for visiting, and feel free to take a moment to look at the sky and marvel at God. Tis a great thing to do ya know :)Read More

Here I am at UMD just burning some time online while trying to get the energy up again to work on Mobile Ministry Magazine's 3rd issue. I was up till a bit after 2am last night, and dont figure to be up as much tonite, but can say that working on it really is a labor that I like putting my hands towards. If you have not checked out the previous issues, visit mobileministrymagazine.com and click on Issue 1 or Issue 2 and read up on what is happening in the mobile space for connected Christians :)

In other news, I can see clearer now the rain is gone
I can see all obsticals in my way...

Sorry brief song moment while my brain took a vacation. It really happens like that in the mist of typing. I can honesly say that of all the writing on blogs that I have read, I dont think anyone does the silliness that I do, at least not by accident :)

God is good and he will perfect those things that concern me. Only because he says I can, I will. Anything else will get a nada as a response.Read More

Snail Mail
you know you need it. but dang it can be so slow. I am here waiting for nearly an hr now and still no receiving of the package I am waiting for. I know its not email but I am here, so where is my mail :-(
--- written on a TreoRead More

The Questions
And now that I have let the tiredness of bball set in, I really am sitting in front of my apt complex and asking if I am really cut out to be a father, having seen quite a few familis out and one just a minute ago that made me question.

You see, to me, if I could answer that question; then knowing about this relationship with Kyera would be easier.

I have to ask how do I handle not having a piece of peace; when things are all too much going on around me. Because with a wife and kid(s) that is what things will be like. I don't see that as being right, but its just the fact of the matter of things.

[side note: despite being uncomfy typing in my car; it is quite a bit liberating]

Lord/Dad, its my heart that the net would be submitted to your hand. Thta everything on the net would be said and done as if u were right there on our shoulders. For me, that means changing how I view privacy; but it needs to change, as does a lot of me on the net.

Lord, can I really be an ambassador on the net, if I have troubles with being a citizen in the apt u gave me?
--- written on a TreoRead More

What Am I Doing
I like my website because I can rant all bout anything. I can pretty much say what I want and not much anyone can do about it except comment and not read thiss site again.

However, real life aint that way and here I have to adjust to another set of rules. People have feelings when they read what you say and from there they determine if they want to talk to you again.

I guess I can count this moment up as one of those I won't be getting talked to again. How else can I describe things when the woman I love does things that just makes me amazed in anger. How am I to believe that anger is not suppsed to be any more part of me, but then it rises and sets like the sun. What am I doing then?

I liked that I didn't answer a question that I normally have no problem answering. I am an ambassador, just online. Offline, I am not any more an ambassador it seems than anyone else. I can wear the "jesus hats" and things like tht; but there is nothing but my doings online that would constitute as fruit bearing. And sometimes I wonder if on even those.

So these are my thoughts after finally gettting in a game of live basketball. Good thing is that I was able to help a young kid who is getting ready to go out for his school team on some things that he will be good at and some that he needs to work on. Sad part is he probably should have whipped me good. But God gave me some me some grace there. And here I can type afterward that there is something left to give. Its just that in some places I don't know if I have anything left.
--- written on a TreoRead More